Friday, February 14, 2014

What Am I Doing?

On October 10th, 2013 I so cutely wrote, " But I need you to know that I have full intentions of writing our entire story out, in the format of a book," like this would be an easy feat.  Now I'm scoffing at myself, and trying to insert my foot in my mouth.  Why? you ask.

Because writing this "book" is turning out to be harder than I want it to be.  It's now 4 months later and I've got exactly 1,565 words  written with not a ton of motivation to keep trudging forward.  I keep finding myself getting caught up in all the tiniest of tiny details, trying to decipher what's important and what's not.  Then I change my mind and just start typing EVERYTHING out but that causes me to lose focus in developing the actual story.

Having to take a step back and realize that this is going to be a process for me, not something that I can crank out over a few hours.  And truthfully, hashing out some of these details can cause me to lose focus because, naturally, my mind drifts back to those times.  Some of times Richard and I shared were very heavy; others were perfect.  A lot of little things (and big) happened over our short time together and, currently, I'm finding it draining to try to get them all out.

As much as I'd like to stick my foot in my mouth right about now I am grateful I had the inclination to publicly declare that I was taking on such a challenge as writing a book.  I suppose I subconsciously knew that I would need to announce it to a bunch of people so that I would stick with it.  Public declaration is a great form of accountability.  Don't let me slip, guys.  I'm counting on you.


Writing hard and clear about what hurts.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

"Stay. Stay by His Side. Not Forever, but for Now."

Sweet friends:

Next weekend the Spring edition of Shattered Magazine will be hitting the shelves of Barnes and Noble and Books-A-Million, as well as people's doorsteps.  I had the opportunity to write an article for them this quarter and I am so honored I was given the chance...and let's be honest, I am p-u-m-p-e-d to see my very own writing in print.  It's a dream coming true! 

If you have not already subscribed to this gorgeous magazine, please consider doing so soon!  You can do so at the link above.

A small snippet of the article is below.  Thank you all for your support throughout this journey!

The next four months were spent constantly praying, constantly trying to understand what he was going through, encouraging him to a fault and being as supportive as I could while still processing that my boyfriend was an alcoholic.  It was as ugly as it was beautiful at times.  I wish I could say I handled the entire situation gracefully and lady like, but the truth is that there were a lot of tears and a lot of questioning.  Questioning where he was, what he was doing; questioning what the Lord wanted me to do with all of this.  

And God always answered with, “stay.”  “Stay by his side.  Not forever, but for now.”

Exactly four months from the day that he went to rehab he was taken from our world.